NOTE: The following is an abbreviated format of material that was presented in a workshop I led on Saturday January 20 at a parents conference held by our local association of Baptist churches. The workshop was entitled "Sports in the Christian Home."
Students (and their families) only have so much time and commitment levels they can give toward all of the things in their life (i.e. school, sports, church, friendships, work, etc). Therefore, balance is imperative if the student is to have a healthy approach to all of their life's demands. Additionally, everyone: parents, coaches, student-athletes, and ministers, need to acknowledge this reality.
Do we have a sports fanatics problem? The picture to the left is taken from Twitter last month. It shows a person in the Atlanta area who was so excited at the Georgia Bulldogs SEC championship victory, that he saw fit to attach a flat-screen TV to his car and played the game on a loop for everyone to see on his daily commute. I have to admit... that is a first for this sports addict.
As someone who has participated in sport in a variety of ways (athlete, coach, college-administration, and a high-school official in two sports), I have seen just about everything when it comes to people's passion. This passion is not lost on our nation's teenagers and children who participate in athletics with unprecedented levels of commitment. According to the Women's Sports Foundation, there are around 21.5 - 29 million American kids between 6-17 playing organized sports, with families spending on average, $2,266 annually on a child's sports related activity.
With this growing level of passion and commitment, there are many challenges that face families who desire to see their children succeed in competition, but also in their faith development. Parents often feel pressured to have their students at multiple events, and this pressure trickles down to students as well. Many parents are left feeling like that have to choose between their desire to see their students achieve great things, with the desire to see their student raised in a Godly home. What can be done?
There is no silver bullet, but I do believe a healthy approach to sport, a clear understanding of expectations by all involved, and an honest measure of what success is can release some of the pressure parents and students feel. In releasing this pressure, students can achieve a clearer view of what is important and begin to see their participation in sport as an opportunity to put their faith in practice. Here are my 8 Keys To Success in helping families navigate their student's faith/sport relationship.
Key 1: Balance is Crucial
Students (and their families) only have so much time and commitment levels they can give toward all of the things in their life (i.e. school, sports, church, friendships, work, etc). Therefore, balance is imperative if the student is to have a healthy approach to all of their life's demands. Additionally, everyone: parents, coaches, student-athletes, and ministers, need to acknowledge this reality.
This balance rests on the influence of their parental figures. The parents set the standards yes, but this should be done in concert with their student. This is also a great opportunity to teach your student about time management and the all important concept of, "When you say yes to one thing, you are saying no to something else."
Key 2: Start with Shared & Agreed Upon Expectations
This key directly impacts the successful implementation of the first. It is so important that everyone understands what is acceptable and what is not. This goes for the parent-child and the family-coach relationships. What this looks like in practice is with the parent and child knowing when they will be attending sporting events over church events and vice versa. There may be certain "no-exceptions" for the parent that need to be communicated with the child before the season even starts. For example, the parent may say that the mid-week student bible study is a "must attend" while the occasional youth recreation event is an acceptable absence. Another example may be missing no more than two worship gatherings a month.
I encourage you to involve your child as much as possible in establishing this schedule and even the no-exceptions. They are much more receptive to a standard they have helped established, rather than one that has been imposed on them. And whatever is decided needs to be shared with the coach. No coach likes being told the day of a practice that a particular student may not be there, especially if they have already made a practice plan. This also helps offer a time to dialogue and potentially avoid the "but if I don't practice I don't play" argument that students may often try to employ.
Key 3: Communicate
This may seem like a repeat of Key 2, but of course, even the best laid plans change. So when they do, be sure all involved parties know as soon as possible. This includes letting the coach, your child, and the youth leader of your church know about any changes. Telling the youth minister that you didn't know you had a game that conflicts with the weekend retreat after you had already signed up is not always the best excuse. Especially when your team's schedule was probably made months in advance. Keep everyone up-to-date with things as they happen.
Key 4: Be Your Child's Biggest Cheerleader, Not Pusher
To help your child achieve the healthy balance between their faith and sporting interests, they need to know the proper place sports have in their life, and often they take their cues from you. So if you constantly hound them about how many free throws they missed, or their lack of effort, but never engage them about what they study in their youth bible study, which do you think they are going to start to believe is most important? That is why I say be your child's biggest cheerleader not pusher.
Think about it, a cheerleader is a part of the action at a game. They are visibly and even audibly present, yet they are still beyond the boundary line of the field. They never enter the field of play, but are a constant supporter of the participants. In contrast, being a "pusher" requires that you take a hands-on approach to your child's involvement in sport. This mean you are too close to the action and need to take a step back. How you approach your child's participation is so vital to how they interpret the value of their sporting careers. When all else fails, the best five words you can say to your child are... "I LOVE WATCHING YOU PLAY!"
For a role reversal of what this might feel like, check out this comical PSA from Hockey Canada on the topic of parental support/involvement with your child
Key 5: Use the Time To Check in With Your Kid
When was the last time you were locked into an enclosed space with your student for 20-30 minutes at a time? Yea, that is basically what the car ride home following a game or practice is, so take advantage of it. Don't use this time to hound your child about what they did wrong, or how bad the refs were. Instead, ask them what they learned, how the situation made them feel, and impart some life-wisdom in light of those scenarios. Or, just ask them how their day was... and keep asking. You just may be surprised by the responses you get.
Key 6: See All Aspects of the Experiences as Teachable Moments
Building off of the two previous keys, adults looking to develop the spiritual lives of their children need to seize the great opportunity that sports provide. Where else can you experience the variety of life skills that sports offer; teamwork, responding to adversity, leadership, goal setting, and dealing with opposition. All of this and more come up through the course of a season, and their life applications are very direct. These are great opportunities to share a Christ-centered perspective in response to challenging moments, and to offer affirmation at the positive displays of "loving your neighbor."
Key 7: Challenge Your Kid to be a Servant Leader
This is the practical application of the previous key. Every athlete plays different roles on a team, but leadership and service can be a part of all of them. Whether your kid is the team's leading scorer, or sits at the end of the bench, these are representative of the reality that the body of Christ takes all parts to be successful. Just as a church needs more than a senior pastor to accomplish its goals, so does your child's team. No matter the role that is played, there are opportunities to put this practical faith lesson into action. It just takes the right perspective to see these opportunities through Jesus-tinted lenses.
Key 8: Ask Your Church for Help & Resources
Parents, no one expects you to have all the answers, so don't wait until your drowning in calendars, practices, and events before asking for help. Reach out to your church's ministers, lay leaders, Sunday school teachers, etc for help. I promise you aren't the only parent wrestling with these same questions, so you can find support and encouragement in these shared experiences. Try everything from speaking with your child's youth pastor, to inviting a beloved senior adult to your child's game. You just might be surprised at the reaction you get.
My favorite verse while I was playing sports was Colossians 3:23, "In whatever you do, work at it as if working for God and not for people." This verse reminded me that everything I did provided me an opportunity to grow more into the person God desired for me to be, and athletics is one of the largest venues that I put that into practice. So I am excited by the chances that you and your family will have to serve God through your participation in athletics. That is a message certainly worth playing on a loop for all to see!
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